My Muse is a Hedgehog (fantasticpants) wrote,
My Muse is a Hedgehog

The Heroes Slash Manual

The Map

The List

Name: Peter Petrelli
AKA: Emo Boy, Poodle, the Amazing Sponge, The Little Black Dress of Heroes
Slashy Attributes: Bangs, empathy (AKA sponginess), neediness, selflessness, instant chemistry with everything that moves. Or doesn't.
Slashy Disadvantages: Emo-ness, hero complex, tendency to die, Nathan.
Quote: Truthfully, I -- when I'm by myself, I don't ... I'm not really anything.
Slashes With: Nathan. And everybody else.

Name: Nathan Petrelli
AKA: Flying Man
Slashy Attributes: Shark Killer smile. Sleeps with everything that moves - statistically speaking, guys run a smaller risk of producing illegitimate children. And he can fly.
Slashy Disadvantages: Slight megalomania, Angela Petrelli, Peter.
Quote: Most of what we are is what people expect us to be. I mean, if you take them away, nothing means anything.
Slashes With: Peter. And occasionally others.

Name: Mohinder Suresh
AKA: The Professor
Slashy Attributes: Sexy accent, gullibility, a fondness for tuning fork torture and tea drugging, evil- magnet.
Slashy Disadvantages: Unrequited love towards his father's research, insists on supplying endless monologuing, evil-magnet.
Quote: In the end, we find it only in each other -- our shared experience of the fantastic ... and the mundane ... The simple human need to find a kindred ... to connect ... and to know in our hearts ... that we are not alone.
Slashes With: Sylar, Sylar as Zane, Sylar as Nathan, Sylar with chocolate sprinkles on top... you get the picture. Others, too. But Sylar isn't happy about that at all.

Name: Sylar
AKA: Gabriel Gray, Zane Taylor, Mr. President
Slashy Attributes: Changes haircut and wardrobe in every episode, knows how things work, believes in karma, and not just because's you're Indian. Looks disturbingly cute in Ramones T-shirts.
Slashy Disadvantages: Braaaaaaaaaaains.
Quote: This is usually the part when people start screaming.
Slashes With: Mohinder. And anyone who gets in the way.

Name: Noah Bennet
Slashy Attributes: Makes horn-rimmed glass sexy. Moral greyness. Access to tranquilizers. Wildly enthusiastic. Thinks powers are damn hot cool.
Slashy Disadvantages: Family man. Has an unfortunate habit of ending (and occasionally starting) relationships at gunpoint.
Quote: I'm comfortable with morally grey.
Slashes With: Mostly Claude and Matt. But morally grey covers a lot of ground.

Name: Claude Rains
AKA: The Invisible Man
Slashy Attributes: Thorough mastery of the art of snark. An unlimited pretzel supply for his dates. Invisibility can come in handy in many, many different ways.
Slashy Disadvantages: Misanthropy. On the run. Likelihood to hit you with a stick or throw you off a building.
Quote: People suck, friend. Every last one of 'em.
Slashes With: Puppies. Mostly of the Peter and Bennet breed.

Name: Hiro Nakamura
AKA: 'Super-Hiro'
Slashy Attributes: Teleportation, optimism, enthusiasm for all things destiny-related, a sword (and bushido training).
Slashy Disadvantages: Tendency to teleport into unknown times and be stuck there, black-and-white perspective.
Quote: I am very special!
Slashes With: Mostly Ando and Nathan. The sword complicates things.

Name: Ando Masahashi
AKA: Sidekick-kun
Slashy Attributes: He knows one fundamental fact - the internet is for porn. And has an appreciation for swords
Slashy Disadvantages: Gambling habit, spends a lot of time drooling over Niki online.
Quote: No one ever got laid by stopping the second hand of a clock.
Slashes With: Hiro

Name: Isaac Mendez
AKA: Mystery Sock
Slashy Attributes: The hair. Can be tempted with drugs. Paints the (quite possibly porn-filled) future. A seductive loft with gorgeous CGI sunsets.
Slashy Disadvantages: Not very friendly. Junkie. The Simone factor. Inevitable death-by-Sylar.
Slashes With: Anyone who visits the loft of seduction.

Name: Matt Parkman
AKA: Officer Parkman
Slashy Attributes: Telepathy. Doormat(t)-ish tendencies. A growing moral flexibility (exposure to Bennet would do that to you). Often does things without thinking much. Or at all.
Slashy Disadvantages: Has a wife. And a baby on the way. OMG, A BABY!!!
Quote: I don't know what I was thinking. I have no idea.
Slashes With: Bennet and Ted. He stays in the Trio.

Name: Theodore Sprague
AKA: Ted
Slashy Attributes: Cute, if you're into the whole teddy-bear/caveman thing. Often in need of a slashy babysitter.
Slashy Disadvantages: 10,000 curies of radiation might make sex a bit... unsafe.
Quote: You're gonna upset me. You know what happens when I get upset. I get very bright, and very hot.
Slashes With: Matt, the Slashy Babysitter.

Name: The Haitian
AKA: Not sure if somebody called 'The Haitian' would need an alias much.
Slashy Attributes: He can make you forget anything.
Slashy Disadvantages: He can make you forget anything.
Quote: What you can do, what I can do, that is God. Respect accordingly.
Slashes With: I forgot.

Name: Thompson
AKA: One creepy SOB
Slashy Attributes: Knowledge of fine literature (that ends bad). Moral greyness inkiness. Does snazzy recruitment speeches and offers interesting perks.
Slashy Disadvantages: Slight creepiness.
Quote: Is that a no?
Slashes With: The good old Company boys. And anyone unfortunate enough to to fall into Primatech clutches.

Name: Mr. Linderman
AKA: Malcolm Motherf***ing McDowell
Slashy Attributes: Money. A funky art collection. Can cook. Thinks in the long-term.
Slashy Disadvantages: Currently has a fist stuck in his head.
Quote: Now you can't have any of my pot pie.
Slashes With: He seems to be particularly fond of the Petrelli clan.

Name: Kaito Nakamura
AKA: Pa Nakamura, The Ultimate Dominatrix of Heroes-verse.
Slashy Attributes: Fact - Pa Nakamura pwns all. Fact - one day, Pa Nakamura will have sex with you.
Slashy Disadvantages: Warning - you may not survive the encounter.
Quote: Let it be known, one day, when you least expect it, I will have sex with you.
Slashes With: The World.

Name: Mr. Muggles
AKA: Wild Thing
Slashy Attributes: Mr. Muggles is one sexy, sexy beast. He's also secretly pulling the strings on The Map.
Slashy Disadvantages: He's very picky with his potential mates.
Quote: Do I look like a ****ing Chihuahua to you, bitch?
Slashes With: Ted and Sylar are the obvious choices, but he has much bigger plans.

We're All Connected

Public Service Announcement

Some of these pics are begging for captions, but it's a bit inhuman to caption 280 pics, even for the criminally obsessive. If you have suggestions, please leave them in the comments, along with a link to the relevant pictures, and I'd love to add the caption!


Why They Slash: Because Bennet enjoys harassing Mohinder and spooking him out of his cab for no good reason. Because they can drag a Mexican standoff for a week. Because they make an excellent corpse-dragging team (and that should totally be an Olympic sport). And because they can compare traumatic hairstyles of the past.
Potential Problems: Failure to communicate. Bennet's mildly stalker-ish attitude. Cute little tracking systems.
Accessories: Ominous Matrix references. THE LIST. Thompson's body.
Quote: Bennet: "But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Probably lots of Sureshes where you're from. Like Smith. Or Anderson."
Slashy Episodes: Genesis, Godsend, How to Stop an Exploding Man

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Why They Slash: Because they shared a romantic eclipse. Because they can have endless heart-to- hearts about destiny, life, the universe and everything. Because even mysterious subway posters support their love.
Potential Problems: Peter's dying hobby. A jealous Sylar.
Accessories: A poster that says 'Don't Give Your Heart to Just Anyone'. Come on.
Quote: Peter: "Let me ask you something, Mohinder. Do you ever ... get the feeling like you were meant to do something extraordinary?"
Slashy Episodes: Genesis, Collision, Parasite, Five Years Gone
Community: peter_mohinder

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Why They Slash: Because that's one badass elephant.
Potential Problems: Due to the elephants inanimate nature, there may be issues of consent.
Accessories: The uneducated mass might be tempted to refer to the elephant as an accessory, but we know better.
Quote: Mohinder: "Do I need to elephant a bitch?"
Slashy Episodes: Don't Look Back

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Why They Slash: Because nothing says 'I love you' like kidnapping by gunpoint. Because Bennet thinks pajama-flying is hot. Because they're both morally-elastic. Because Claire Bennet has two dads.
Potential Problems: Bride kidnapping isn't actually legal in the US. Also, Claire doesn't need additional material for a Jerry Springer special.
Accessories: Gun. Cellphone. Kinky pajamas.
Quote: Nathan: *Sonic boom*
Slashy Episodes: Hiros

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Why They Slash: Because they paint a pretty picture.
Potential Problems: A shared girlfriend. A shared dead girlfriend.
Accessories: Oil and canvas. And awesome contact lenses.
Quote: Isaac: "Why would I paint you?"
Slashy Episodes: Hiros, Better Halves, Unexpected

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Why They Slash: Because Primatech is the perfect breeding ground for forbidden love afrairs. Because they don't need no stinkin' pillow talk. Because mindwiping can come in handy.
Potential Problems: Might run out of conversation topics rather quickly.
Accessories: Matching thermo-goggles and taser guns.
Quote: Bennet: "Guess who found out you can talk!"
Slashy Episodes: Company Man

Why They Slash: Because emo radioactive-cavemen and telepathic cops are a perfect match whichever way you look at it. Because they hang out in graveyards together. Because it takes two to understand Bennet.
Potential Problems: High risk for testicular cancer. Tend to operate on a single-digit IQ together.
Accessories: Primatech PJs.
Quote: Matt: "Ted. Come on, Ted. Relax."
Slashy Episodes: Nothing to Hide, Seven Minutes to Midnight, Unexpected, Company Man, .07%
Community: tedman_fics

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Why They Slash: Because every healthy relationship should start in a creepy, blue-lit atmosphere, with one partner tied to a bed. Because they went from mutual kidnapping/hostage-taking to saving each other's lives in a couple of days. Because Matt is real good at following Bennet-mind-orders.
Potential Problems: Matt is in a high-risk group to go evil in case of a dystopian future. Bennet is a bit bossy in any case.
Accessories: Bed straps. SWAT cuffs. Tables. Whatever goes.
Quote: Matt: "I hate him."
Slashy Episodes: Collision, Godsend, Company Man, .07%, Five Years Gone, The Hard Part, Landslide, How to Stop an Exploding Man
Community: matt_hrg

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Why They Slash: Because they're a world-saving super-duo of sunshine and puppies and goody-two- shoe-ness - or, alternatively, of Matrix-like badassery.
Potential Problems: The tendency to be separated by the time/space continuum.
Accessories: Time-frozen subway train.
Quote: Hiro: "Save the cheerleader, save the world."
Slashy Episodes: Hiros, Five Years Gone
Community: hiro_peter

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Why They Slash: Because Hiro is a total Nathan-fanboy. Because of the language lessons. Because Hiro knows that despite Nathan's occasionally billanous behaviour, he's all mushy inside.
Potential Problems: Nathan's billanous side broke poor Hiro's heart. Bastard.
Accessories: 'Vote Petrelli' badge. 'Fly by Night' T-shirt.

Nathan: "Bad guy?"

Hiro: "Yes. Like billain."

Nathan: "What's that?"

Hiro: "Billain."

Nathan: "Villain?"

Hiro: "Billain."

Nathan: "Villain."

Hiro: "Vee."

Nathan: "Vee."

Hiro: "Veee-yun."

Slashy Episodes: Hiros, Godsend, Parasite, Landslide
Community: hiro_nathan

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Why They Slash: Because Isaac is the first one to see Bennet sans-HRGs zomg! Because Bennet tries to tempt him with heroin and Eden. Because Isaac calls the Ghostbusters Bennet when there's something strange in the neighborhood.
Potential Problems: Bennet likes to solve all Isaac-related matters using drugs/guns/Eden.
Accessories: Heroin. The gun of doom.
Quote: Bennet: "I need you... to paint this painting."
Slashy Episodes: Seven Minutes to Midnight

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Why They Slash: Because it's totally Yin and Yang, man. Except it's Emo-Empath and Sexy-Serial- Killer. And between the two of them, there's enough power-kink to make everyone happy.
Potential Problems: They tend to disagree on who the villain is. Also, Sylar has a personal vendetta against the bangs.
Accessories: Sylar-haircut-service. Bangs.
Quote: Sylar: I'd like to see how that works.
Slashy Episodes: Fallout, .07%, Five Years Gone, How to Stop an Exploding Man

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Why They Slash: Two-way telepathic sex!
Potential Problems: Might be a bit of a headache.
Accessories: Aspirin. Lots of it.
Quote: Peter: "What are you doing to me?"
Slashy Episodes: Fallout

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Why They Slash: Because they both collect special people and find out what makes things... tick. Because it's love behind bars glass. Because Sylar likes to bang Bennet into walls.
Potential Problems: Slightly different approaches to the Claire situation.
Accessories: Separating glass. The shunt. Bennet's driver's license.
Quote: Sylar: "That's funny, I never really imagined him as much of a dog person. I guess he just looms a little larger when he's drillin' you."
Slashy Episodes: Fallout, Distractions

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Why They Slash: Because Bennet owes Peter his life... and possibly other things. Because... Noah. Because it's puppy love.
Potential Problems: Well, there was this one inconvenient tasering-attempt incident. But it made Peter look all cool and Matrix-y, so that's okay. Also - Claude. But that's what Plaunet is for.
Accessories: A couple of leashes, when Claude comes around.
Quote: Bennet: "Call me Noah."
Slashy Episodes: Fallout, How to Stop an Exploding Man

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Why They Slash: Because it's tough love, baby. Because Claude has an endless supply of pretzels to feed his emo pet. And because Claude made the poodle fly!
Potential Problems: Too many sticks to the head make Peter a very angry boy. And Brave Sir Claude bravely ran away.
Accessories: Street pole, pretzel, purse, taxicab, The Stick [TM].

Claude: "What are you doing?"

Peter: "Something unexpected."

Slashy Episodes: The Fix, Distractions, Unexpected
Community: peterandclaude

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Sylar/Mr. Muggles

Why They Slash: Because serial killers need fluffy Pomeranian love, too.
Potential Problems: Once the shoelaces run out, the passion is gone.
Accessories: Shoelaces and a really bad Texan accent.
Quote: Sylar: "Hi, little fluffy."
Slashy Episodes: Distractions

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Why They Slash: Because the pigeons were the only thing keeping Claude company for seven years.
Potential Problems: It makes Peter jealous. Though that's not exactly a problem, per se.
Accessories: Pigeon coop.
Quote: Peter: "The birds. I mean, you -- you sort of hate everything, everyone. Except you treat these pigeons like they're family." (And we all know what family really means in Heroes-verse)
Slashy Episodes: The Fix, Unexpected.

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Why They Slash: Because they make a wicked hip-hop duo.
Potential Problems: The color combination can cause epileptic seizures in unsuspecting bystanders.
Accessories: Mutually horrendous tie and scarf.
Quote: Mohinder: Yes, we met under unfortunate circumstances. I believe I came off as a deranged lunatic.
Slashy Episodes: The Fix

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Why They Slash: Because a punch in the face is a great way to jumpstart a relationship.
Potential Problems: The relationship might not go much further than face punching.
Accessories: Claude's fist.
Quote: Claude: "How can you not punch that face every time you see it?"
Slashy Episodes: Distractions

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Why They Slash: Because you can't spell S&M without Sylar and Mohinder. Because they shared a motel, a DNA sample and drugged tea. Because even five years and shapeshifting can't keep them apart.
Potential Problems: Sylar's unusual diet. The whole unfortunate 'You killed my father, prepare to die' angle.
Accessories: Drugged chai. Tuning fork. The Map. The List. Ceiling.
Quote: Mohinder: "It's going to hurt."
Slashy Episodes: Run!, Unexpected, Parasite, Five Years Gone, The Hard Part
Community: mylar_fic

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Why They Slash: Because moral greyness + invisibility can only lead up to one thing, really. Because Claude brings out the puppy-eyes in Bennet. Because they do angsty car rides of doom like no one else.
Potential Problems: The shooting incident might've put a bit of a damper on the relationship. It did, however, skyrocket the potential angst levels.
Accessories: A morally grey car on a morally grey bridge with a morally grey gun in a morally grey world.
Quote: Claude: "It's a brave new world, friend."
Slashy Episodes: Company Man
Community: brave_new_slash

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Why They Slash: Because Claude is the Doctor and Thompson is the Master.
Potential Problems: See above.
Accessories: Thompson's desk. Claude sure looks comfortable on it.
Slashy Episodes: Company Man

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Why They Slash: Because of friendship! Because of... this. And because Bennet knows how to blow Thompson's mind.
Potential Problems: Bennet is a disgruntled employee. Thompson is extremely gruntled.
Accessories: Bennet's gun. Thompson's head.
Quote: Bennet: "We were old friends."
Slashy Episodes: Company Man, Parasite, .07%, Landslide

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Why They Slash: CLASSIFIED
Potential Problems: CLASSIFIED
Accessories: CLASSIFIED
Slashy Episodes: CLASSIFIED

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Why They Slash: Because Nakamura doms all. Because Bennet learned Japanese for him. Because it's almost mpreg, in a way.
Potential Problems: Bennet doesn't seem as wildly enthusiastic about it as he could have been.
Accessories: Claire-baby.

Bennet: "I don’t think that’s a good idea."

Nakamura: "It’s not a request."

Slashy Episodes: Company Man

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Ted/Mr. Muggles

Why They Slash: Because Mr. Muggles is the only member of the Bennet family who's sympathetic to Ted. And he could give him some grooming advice.
Potential Problems: Despite appearances, Mr. Muggles doesn't give his heart to just anyone.
Accessories: A dog hairbrush.
Quote: Ted: "I'm not gonna nuke the dog! I wouldn't hurt, uh... Mr. Muggles, would I?"
Slashy Episodes: Company Man

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Why They Slash: Because Bennet digs the teddy bears. Because Ted makes an excellent car battery charger.
Potential Problems: Ted might not be so keen on joining the teddy bear collection.
Accessories: Baseball bat. Jazz hands.
Quote: Ted: "Why are you thinking in Japanese?"
Slashy Episodes: Company Man, The Hard Part

Why They Slash: Because it doesn't get more OT3 than radioactive guy, telecop and morally grey company man. Because they do one hell of a Reservoir Dogs walk. Because they deserve a spinoff of wild slashy adventures, goddammit.
Potential Problems: Ted's now literal lack of brains. ;_;
Accessories: Unlimited awesomeness.
Quote: Bennet: "That went better than I expected."
Slashy Episodes: Company Man, .07%, The Hard Part

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Why They Slash: Because Nathan wants his zuccini and Linderman wants his cream sauce. It's win- win.
Potential Problems: It's possible that Linderman is only into Nathan because he reminds him of Daddy Petrelli. Also, Linderman has a small issue with fisting.
Accessories: Pot pie, zucchini.
Quote: Nathan: "I bet this is where you take all your first dates."
Slashy Episodes: Parasite, .07%, Landslide

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Why They Slash: Because it's Sylar, and he'll slash with whoever he goddamn pleases.
Potential Problems: ...Ouch.
Accessories: Paintbrushes, used somewhat unconventionally.
Quote: Sylar: "This is usually the part when people start screaming."
Slashy Episodes: .07%

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Why They Slash: Two words - Orgasm Eyes (see made_in_ink 's super-awesome icon).
Potential Problems: Pa Nakamura would go medieval on Bennet's ass (not that he wouldn't anyway, but more so).
Accessories: Orgasm Eyes. Duh.
Quote: Bennet: "It's out of the question."
Slashy Episodes: Five Years Gone

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Why They Slash: Because Mohinder has a thing for bad boys. Even if the bad boys in question are in fact creepy middle-aged men.
Potential Problems: Thompson is an untrustworthy gunda.
Accessories: Thompson's creepy lips. Molly Walker.
Quote: Thompson: "Some people died because you led Sylar right to them. And now you blame yourself, so you become a vigilante. Hmm, it's cute."
Slashy Episodes: The Hard Part

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Why They Slash: Because an adorable geek and a psycho killer complement each other perfectly. But mostly because... canon penetration FTW.
Potential Problems: None whatsoever.
Accessories: Comic book. Sword.
Quote: Hiro: "Yatta!"
Slashy Episodes: The Hard Part, How to Stop an Exploding Man

Why They Slash: The phrase 'sex bomb' has never been more appropriate.
Potential Problems: The phrase 'sex bomb' has never been more appropriate.
Accessories: 1,000,000,000,000 curies of radiation.
Quote: Peter: "You coming?"
Slashy Episodes: Landslide

Why They Slash: Because clearly, Ando is the princess in the 'Kensei and the Dragon' story.
Potential Problems: The princess is in another castle.
Accessories: Sword. Rain Man suits. NISSAN VERSA NISSAN VERSA NISSAN VERSA.
Quote: "This is how we roll."
Slashy Episodes: Genesis, One Giant Leap, Unexpected, Parasite, Five Years Gone, How to Stop an Exploding Man.
Community: hiro_ando

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Why They Slash: Is that a trick question?
Potential Problems: They're brothers, and they kinda like each other.
Accessories: The Big Bang in the sky.

Peter: "I love you, Nathan."

Nathan: "I love you too."

Slashy Episodes: Genesis, Don't Look Back, Six Months Ago, Fallout, Genesis, Parasite, .07%, How to Stop an Exploding Man
Community: flyingpetrellis

runningondreams : "Nathan! my mascera's running!"

runningondreams : "Peter, did you try to do your own make-up today?"

runningondreams : "I-I thought I could do it! I'm sorry! help me?"

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Lots of thanks to runningondreams for the awesome banner and the muchful help with this insanity, and to acaciaonnastik for the suggestions and the support.

Public Service Announcement

Some of these pics are begging for captions, but it's a bit inhuman to caption 280 pics, even for the criminally obsessive. If you have suggestions, please leave them in the comments, along with a link to the relevant pictures, and I'd love to add the caption!
Tags: heroes, slash manual
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